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Hi Virginia,
I've had this problem myself and one type of exercise that really helped is tongue extensions. There are a number of ways to do this that I learned from my Somatic Voicework™ training. The simplest is to look up at about a 45 degree angle, let the jaw drop and rest the tip of the tongue on the lower lip. Do easy 5 note scales or slides on a bright /æ/ vowel in this position consciously reminding the muscles in the neck to stay soft. If the tongue tip retracts, try holding a straw horizontally against the lower lip, keeping it there with the underside of the tongue. If that is difficult, I've also used a piece of clean gauze to hold the tongue in the extended position. It takes time to recondition those muscles to NOT be active during phonation, so celebrate each tiny release!
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